Its difficult to retract this thing out from its hiding place..

..but officially last Sunday, I managed to get my hand into the secret hiding place, and have enough faith and courage to reveal it to the outer world.

You see, eventhough I admit that I am one of those "boros" person, but I do have some borders out of it. For e.g., I do believe that this Ipod is kinda excessive, even for me (and dat is why, yours truly, I hid it for sometime, till I can rationalize myself)

I mean, I got phones that can work just like this Ipod, but I cant resist the temptation of it. That green shiny surface, lurking underneath it the hip-modern lifestyle full of hedonistic features. ( i dont even know what thats mean)

so, why do I have it in my arms now, though it seems like I dont really want it?
well, at the first place, maybe it WASNT FOR ME AT ALL..

but that's way past history...


now to the present facts:-

1. This is a 3g Ipod Nano (yes, with video)
2. it is slimmer than my previous 1g Ipod Nano, indicating that the probability I will crack it down is increased by a mere 50%
3. It's green. Or maybe turquoise. I;m not sure. Anyway, its not me the one who pick up the colour. But I love the colour you pick up!!! It couldnt be any better!!!
4. it doesnt came with included case (unlike the packaging in 1g), so I was left with a bare Ipod, and guess what? yes...no screen protector, means I'll scratch it sooner or later ( I ought to ask you to put one for me, like you did with the phone :)
5. I dont really plan to put songs into it. More movies n podcasts I guess.
6. The 1st movie I sync into : Paris Je T'aime (Paris, I love u)
7. The 1st time I watch this movie : during a boring-psychiatry and oncology lecture (yes, two!!)
8. 1st podcast : BBC documentaries : Kremlin n the world (give me more reason to wanna get off from here ASAP)
9. I havent use the provided ear piece yet. Instead I plugged in my old, decaying earphone from my previous Ipod
10. Since I have so much love, and it seems impossible to channel it anywhere else, so I will LOVE THIS IPOD (for the meantime )

ok, so contrary to some western european countries, Russian are not well-known for their friendliness with foreigners. Strike a conversation with strangers is odd enough for them, but when that strangers is a foreigners, hell (s)he might rather dance in his/her underwear in the middle of a snow.

so, when I was loittering around alone recently, I was so surprised when this little girl here suddenly sit in front of me and strike a conversation "MENYA ZAVOT OLYA...KAK TEBYA ZAVOT (recall she used the "tebya" form, insisting friendliness instead the "VAS" form)- which means she was asking about my name.

I couldnt believe it that I hesitated to answer even in front of this kindergarden girls. Well, u can never know how they could strike your russian-impaired tongue. (I am no excellent Russian speaker)

anyway, we have a little chat , mostly about her, (they learn how to brag even from this age), shared some fries, and even played tug-the-tissue-and-lets-see-who-get-the-bigger-pieces-and-won-the-longest-french-fries.

but it only last for 7 minutes when her mother came and grab her arms and dragged her away (of course during this time she managed to throw me a stern look while saying "excuse me this little brat just disturbed your meal"..and even before I could say "it's ok, c'est normale..or "nu, nichevo", she had her dragged across the restaurant while whispering something to her along the way

I believed she said:
"What the hell do you think talking to that foreigner?? couldnt you see he eat kids for breakfast!!!"

OK..So it is so out of my nature to blog something like this. I, am one person that value memorial more than material. Thus,its kinda weird that I actually am typing about this topic.

However, since you all keep begging me to tell you what I want for my birthday (which is already a month ago!! let it go fella!!!haha ), and for the lack of idea how to defer this question from u all, and to avoid me keep flushing red whenever this question is asked in public, here I enlisted my wishlist as suggested by you (and what I have got so u dont end up me giving me like 4 bottles of perfumes) :-

so here we go...

(notes : TEXT in ORANGE means I already got it from someone :) TQ
TEXT in RED means I still havent got the thing yet :) ..just to make your life easier rather than strolling this whole post.)

Item 1
What I want : New perfume, no preference though, I dont know how to pick one
What I get: A newly-released limited-edition ATTITUDE by GIORGIO ARMANI
Verdict : Since I am still single, though unavailable (but u're welcome to try), I decided I am gonna fall in love with this thing for the meantime!! I intend to get a new perfume since last summer , when I gave my Ermegildo Zegna to my bro since he really liked it. Since then, I had to rely on my Emporio Armani "CIty Glam", which I found does not suit me at all, but I keep wearing it for the sake of self-differentiating from the surrounding Russian who found themselves too proud to wear a perfume.
So, thank you to "you" (you know who are you), since I love, like LOVE this perfume very2 much. It have this tinge of harmonizing my surrounding, deep, but light at the same time. Musky, yet refreshing. And what makes it unique is that I cant find it here in Russia :) wehehehehehe..so it kinda special you know, and it kinda make me paranoid thinking that if I ran out of this miracle liquid, I cant never get it here. I cant thank you enough for this :)

Item 2
What I want : "My journey of a lifetime"
What I get: "My journey of a lifetime"
Verdict : Exactly as what I had imagined. No further verdict since I had to keep it to myself for the time being :)




Item 3
What I want : NEW HAIRCUT !! ( I hate my previous one)
What I get: NEW HAIRCUT !! (I love this one)
Verdict : Hehehe, to you guys who help me decipher out what the hairstylist was talking about, I cant thank you enough!!! I figure if I walk into the salon myself, I would be out with a male-pattern baldness







Item 3
What I want : New kitchen set
What I get: New Pyrex kitchen bowls
Verdict : I love u guys (Dauz n Farah) for this!!! How could u have known that I have lost and recently break both my bowls and saucers???!!! Now I can make my green salad without waiting turn for the common kitchen bowls :))

More Party!!! THis one from my classmates. In conjunction with Rita's birthday, so they decided to make it more festive. We have nasi kerabu (and I believed it is the 1st time ever I tasted "Budu"), a very nice choc-prune cakes, chocs muffins, and non-milk truffle (izat lupa taruk susu)..hheheh

Item 5
What I want : New smartphone
What I get: New smartphone
Verdict : An entire story of itself. Soon an exclusive post will be up describing how I manage to get a grab in this lovely romance of me & the digital gadget world.

Item 6
What I want : A decent Digital camera!!
What I get: A decent Digital camera!!
Verdict : To those of you wondering, yes, I never had a digital camera before. And all the picture u saw was either taken by my poor pixels camera-embedded HP, or by a camera I borrowed from a friend. THis is my first ever digital camera, and I love it since by accident I found it waiting there for me, in an unexpected place, with much cheaper price compared to in Malaysia. Exclusive post coming soon

Item 7
What I want : For you (no 1) to be happy
What I get: You (no 1) are happy I hope..
Verdict : Though I am not much sure about this one, but I pray everyday, and if it could be my birthday wishes, I wish you both would be happy together, forever.

Item 8
What I want : For you (no 2) to be happy
What I get: You (no 2) ARE HAPPY
Verdict : Yes, this one I am pretty sure, since I can saw u deeply immersed up to your neck in your hopeless-romantic way and oogling all the time about your seafarer. hehehehhe.

Item 9
What I want : New IPOD Nano with video
What I get: New IPOD Nano with video
Verdict : I really, really dont know how I manage to get this one. It even a present to myself, since I bought it. Unfortunately though, since the new semester, I havent even managed to open even the box yet, let alone syncing it with my Itunes library.

Item 10 What I want : New BAGPACK. Preferably like the one shown in picture. What I get: A New SlINGBAG from '5 karmanov'
Verdict : I.NEED.RATHER.THAN.WANT.A.NEW.BAGPACK. because... my last bagpack was too "big" (criticism by a 1st year student is intolerable). And since I cant find my old faithful sling-bag, I had to borrow one from Zamir. Though I was offered this bagpack (see the pic), and really, I immediately fell in love with it, yet I cant brought it back to Russia since my luggage is already excess.
THANK you 56x!! this once is from the girls. I liked the dark-green motives, and I love it more that it can fit all my things without being "oversize" like the one I used to have :)

Item 11
What I want : Drawers !!!!
What I get: -still havent got one-
Verdict : Meja kecik..barang bersepah...nak laci macam azzad...huhuhu

Item 12
What I want : New winter Gloves
What I get: New winter Gloves from Safwan!!! (see picture below)
Verdict : Isk..isk..see...if you observe well enough, you'd have known that I am in desperate need of winter gloves since my only wearable winter gloves have a pink line across it which kinda attracting local people attention since Russia doesnt yet understand the word "metrosexual". So, THANK YOU SAFWAN for bringing this lovely pair of gloves all the way from Malaysia :) it keeps me warm n fuzzy, n seriously, you guys dont want to know me when I am "not" warm n fuzzy.

Item 13
What I want : Spoon & Fork
I get: An amazing cutlery collection from NEEMO!!
Verdict : I know it sound funny, but seriously guys..if you live in this hostel, u would understand the frustration you get when your spoon & fork keep disappearing, and there's a day when you have to mix your coffer using a chopstick.
ITS GREEN!!! and its amazing!!! and it comes with a handle case so that I wont having a headache thinking for a proper place to put it!!! and there are 3 pairs of 'em (so I can share em up with roomies ...but no, you guys dont get to bring that outside from this room!!) and..and...did I told u guys its green??!!
Thanks Neemo!! you'll be like my bestest fren forever..hehehe






Item 14
What I want : New belt that suit for my 42-44" waist
What I get: -havent got one yet-
Verdict : I got one, like ONE belt that actually according to my size. It can be hard to find a belt for me. Ask Sdar, who by good intention bought me one in Castro last year, only to have it returned since it cant wound up around my waist :)

Item 15
What I want : A corner of your heart, a room beneath your bed, a minute of your time
What I get: A corner of your heart, a room beneath your bed, a minute of your time Verdict : For all the space, time, energy, money, and whatnot....thank you for keeping me safe.

1. an IQ-cubic wood game. I rather not dismantle it since my IQ is not that high to put it back in form again. Thank you AZEAN!!!

2. A SWAROVSKY CRYSTAL PENCIL. OMG!!! can u believe it???!!! This is one pencil I would never use for the rest of my life, let alone sharpening it :P Thank you SDAR!!!!


3. New white, skull-motived snowcap. Like, seriously skull-motive? That pretty excessively alpha-male ,hehe, but its a beauty nonetheless. From the girls.

4. Nothing can challenge this super-surprise rose-colored water jug I got from Izat :) <>. It is great except that really I rarely made any drinks in such voluminous amount. So I resorted the jug to store my muesli instead, and it turned out perfect!!!

Other things that I might need...

1. A prayer mat. Segan asyik pinjam budak pompuan punyer. Dulu HUsna ada bagi satu tapi dah kene rompak ngan budak2 ni.

2. A multitask printer of my own. Susahla dakwat SPR asyik habis. Nak pinjam ahmad pun segan. hahaha....but no, dont buy me one. It will be a little difficult for me to bring it home to Msia nnti. And even if I did, I'm a little bit cerewet ngan printer ni, so I better buy it on my own term.

3. A quran with translation. Wow wow...berimannya...haha...tak la...aku punya ilang mana ntah masa duk sebuk kemas2 stor dulu. skarang ni pinjam azad punya quran. tu pun duk berabuk atas TV...isk2...ada je tapi tak baca tak guna gak.

4. A new footcare line products. Mana ntah aku tinggal aku punye..typical kan Helmi tinggalkan barang pastu ilang :P

5. New recipe. Dah bosan ngan mende yang masak sndiri :) TQ for the "HOllandaise SAuce" n "Curry Madras", but I still havent got the time to try it out yet. If it turned out to be superb..I'll FedEX you one :) and when I finish it up, I'll be mad as how to find those things here in the landlocked county of VOlgograd :)

6. An EUCERINE cream for my battle with KP which I have suffered for more than half of a lifetime. Of course I can find it here, but unfortunately they dont deliver to Russia. I would very much like to try the DermaDoctor KP Duty, but I know its impossible to find it here.

ok...wo...enough...I have to stop here...else I would wasting my time enlisting all the shoes and watches I have window-shopped recently, while all the time knowing it would be impossible for me to have them since I already got a watch (which was also a birthday present) and numerous shoes that I love too much to wear it here in the dusty road of Volgograd.

"Hope this would make your life easier :) " - quote from Neemo

"Aquarius

I dont usually read , let alone trust horoscope .. but this one really suits the current situation I am. It's a little bit creepy, as if someone had been observing me all this time and is actually sending me a signal of what might be expected. Anyway, there's God, so He's the One been watching me all this time, and I succumbed to His Greatness for even letting me breath a single gasp of air every day.

A few days back, a friend of mine (rephrase " a best friend of mine") (wait, re-rephrase ..umm..I'm unable to explain what we are) , told me the same thing, that is "to keep the past in the past and chin up for the future". It should have been easy since I am in no position to indulge myself in the past that even I dislike to remember.
But it could be pretty much hard when people around you keep bugging you with the past, and occasionally they dragged you back into those dark, eerie period of your lifetime.

I would like very much to shout back at them to "LEAVE ME FUCKING ALONE!!" (does any of you realize that we can put the "F" word anywhere in a sentence and it just sound, full-of-sense) , so that I can actually get on with my life as a new person I longed to be.

But to think of it, maybe this is what I needed. To be reminded occasionally so I feel humble and small in front of Him, and to be reminded that life is too short for me to be repeating the same mistake again.

I wish I could undone what had happened, but that's not up to me. So if I had to sleep early and wake up in the middle of the night and ruined my circadian cycle just so that I can avoid people from being so judgmental ...then that is what I shall do..



Sometimes, it can be so lonely...


p/s: this emo crap is what you get when you indulge yourself to deep in the course of psychiatry alone in a middle of the night.

"Dementia (from Latin de- "apart, away" + mens (genitive mentis) "mind") is the progressive decline in cognitive function due to damage or disease in the brain beyond what might be expected from normal aging."

A 72 year-old-woman admitted yesterday, claiming to be of Ukrainian origin into our psych dept in Volgograd. The story was she came here in attempt to find her daughter who work here in Volgograd. Psych interview revealed the dementia status as patient loss ability to recall important personal info such as age, marital status, no of kids. It shall be note however, patient recollection of her experience during WWII, when she ran away from the Nazi army is clear and logical, though unverified.

Well, at least that what was told to us by our doctor..
the truth is....i cant comprehend even a single word, as :-
1. people with dementia tend to talk out of pattern, though grammatically correct
2. she's got this accent, that might indicate that she's really a Ukrainian...
3...... or perhaps, its just because she got no teeth left, so the pronunciation is a little bit hard for my Russian-deaf ears to catch

anyway, tomorrow I shall be examining her....so, right now I'm actually try to recollect the way she spoke this morning...so, maybe I can decipher what she really said instead of copying what I might heard (such as, for e.g "My daughter work as pie in a milk of cow")

It was misty and a little bit gloomy outside...

QUICK CHOCOLATE MOUSSE w/o EGGS

INGREDIENTS

• 8 ounces bittersweet chocolate
• 10 fluid ounces heavy cream

DIRECTIONS

1. Chop chocolate and place in top of a double boiler, or in a microwave-safe bowl, microwave chocolate until melted. Stir occasionally until chocolate is smooth. Allow to cool slightly.
2. Whip cream in large bowl with electric mixer until soft peaks barely form.
3. Fold chocolate into cream and spoon into serving dishes. Chill 30 minutes in refrigerator, until set.

This morning I made breakfast like the past 14 days...

...but I dont know to whom shall I served it to...

I wish you would be coming out behind that bathroom door, put on your clothes, and actually eat the breakfast..

half an hour pass, but you're still not out yet,and the breakfast turned cold.

then it strucked me I'm actually back in my freakishly-newly-painted hostel room

I want to go back and let you finish the breakfast...

p/s: cliche, you know